Listicles and Other Delights

Today's post topic comes from Bill.  

Remote teaching has sucked every original thought from my neurons.  On top of teaching virtually to a screen of initials, I am also teaching a brand new curriculum, so there is little left at the end of the day to create.  

But I can write a list.

So here is my list of what I realized I am thankful for after being locked up at home for nine months.

1. Listicles. Even the name cracks me up.  It's kinda inappropriate.   But when I discovered listicles while helping Rosemary with her revision assignment I was downright giddy.  Wait.  A list is now considered a writing assignment in school?  I love lists!  So let's add a few fancy requirements and call it a listicle.  Can you imagine being a parent and listening to your kid's teacher's voice piping through their ipad? "You're listicle is a bit short.  How can you lengthen it by Friday?"

2. My old, ugly Mizuno shoes.  These babies feel like slippers and are the best for walks with Ringo around the neighborhood or in the woods.

3. As Seen on TV cookware.  I do dig my Instapot.  It takes the pressure off. Or does it put it in?  Gone are the days of the anxiety of crockpots.  Monday mornings I'd descend three stairs at a time, proclaiming, "We're having pot roast tonight.  Outta my way!  I have 6 minutes to chop these carrots, potatoes, and onions and get em in the crockpot in order to shower and get to work on time!"  Then, once in the shower, I'd realize I didn't plug it in.  "Marty!  Plug in the crockpot! Now!  Hurry up or this whole day will be foiled!  It needs at least eight hours or the meat won't be tender!  Marty?!!!!  Did you hear me?"

Now I can make a pot roast in 20 minutes in my Instapot.  I don't even mind the third-degree steam burns on my forearm during venting.  Totally worth it.  Our own Mount St. Helen's delivers every time, warping the cabinet wood and bubbling the wall paint, but it makes a mighty fine pot roast.

Do I get the Air Fryer?  Place it next to the Vitamix where we can bread any and everything guilt-free to enjoy with our smoothies?

4. My basement gas fireplace. My teaching space is set up in the basement with lighting, a green screen, Internet, and fireplace.  I crank that baby up to high to keep me toasty during subject-verb agreement exercises.   

5. Instacart. Saturday I sat in my Hyundai during Rosemary's haircut in order to maintain social distancing. We thought it would be best if I sat with the foils in my hair in my car.  So I sashayed out onto Lincoln Avenue, black cape blowing in the wind, careful not to disturb any of the 48 foil strips turning my grey back into blonde.  I thought, "The passersby must get a kick out of this."  But what they saw was more likely a crazy Medusa woman who had lost her mind.

So what can one do while waiting in her Hyundai on Chicago's north side while her daughter gets her own hi-lights?  Grocery shop!  I jumped on Instacart, opened my list, and knocked out the grocery shopping. I even enjoy the pictures of my personal shoppers that appear once my food is delivered.  "How did Liza do? Please rate your satisfaction."  And one can't help but stare at the picture, visualizing Liza carefully selecting my rutabaga, thinking, "Who eats this weird shit?"  Five stars all the way, Liza.

6. Lean Cuisine Salisbury Steak with Macaroni and Cheese.

7. My dongle.  Navigating both my laptop and iPad for virtual teaching is what my students would call "extra." There are different ways to do this: one can mute the ipad and display from the laptop after one opens WebEx but not before directing the kids to the modules in Canvas where the document can be found to send to Notability, but not until you've restricted the Participant Privileges after Muting All on Entry and answered the questions in Chat before unlocking the assignment in Canvas and making sure there is no feedback if you plan on playing an audio file in Pear Deck once you've displayed the code and entered the code in the Chat for those students who are late to class and checked the box to allow for late entries in No Red Ink while reminding the students to submit the screenshot of their work so that grades align after synching from Canvas to Skyward as long as the grades are not accidentally marked as No Count in which case you have to respond to those parent emails and explain everything I just wrote in this paragraph.

The dongle makes this easier.

8. The Complete/Incomplete grading feature in Canvas.  Sublime.

9.  My blue-light glasses.  Advertisements do not exaggerate the benefits of these specs.  Now that my life is science fiction and I am officially a character in a Ray Bradbury short story, these glasses prevent headaches and take the edge off of staring at a screen for seven to eight hours a day.  (Yikes.  I kind of sound like Oprah now.  No worries. My last one won't be turmeric tea that costs $39.99.)

10. Baroness von Sketch.  This sketch comedy series written by the same four women who act in it is the funniest show to hit TV in eons.  (One of the woman's names is Jennifer Whalen!  Ha!) No subject is off-limits and I have several power laughs every time I watch it.  If you are like me and have watched Season 4 of The Crown and The Queen's Gambit and every other Netflix series, check this out.