MOTHER'S DAY

"There is nothing like watching your son scrub a toilet."--Jepsen

*I'm an Erma Bombeck wannabe, so this is me playing make-believe.

Like everything, Mother's Day will be different this year.  Every year my friends and I walk the Beverly Breast Cancer 5K and enjoy a fabulous brunch at my house afterward, complete with Megan Markle avocado toast, fruit salad, strata, and mimosas. The power laughing and love we share for each other is the perfect start to the day.    Then I spend the rest of the day chillin' with my mom while watching golf.   

This a tradition I will miss this year.

So what will Mother's Day look like this year? 

All my mom needs is a plain, medium-rare cheeseburger.  And when I say medium-rare, I mean medium-rare.  Not medium, not rare.  Medium-rare.  So I think my sibs and I can make that happen.  Of course, we will beautify her front porch with flowers.  She may even want a hot fudge sundae.  My mom's needs are simple and she has passed this trait on to my children.  When they run to Walgreen's for her they return with Thin Oreos or pistachio muffins: they're faves.  The excitement is that of toddlers and I love the appreciation they have for these simplicities.  My mom passed many gifts on to me as well.  She has taught me that all one needs for a sublime Saturday afternoon are a half-box of Triscuits and whatever is left of a Swanson's cheese ball, always toted in a Jewel plastic bag.  There may even be a bag of M&Ms in that bag or a newspaper clipping that reminded her of you.

Mother's Day conversations will most likely include politics.  But let's not go there.  Other topics will include the Sox, Notre Dame, the god damn Bears, and did you know that Jewel has the best Italian sausage?  "No offense honey, but that rye bread you dropped off last week had absolutely no flavor! Where was it from?  There were no caraway seeds!"

Because this is a different year, we won't be inside together, so I may just hang out wearing a mask in her bushes and talk through the screen.  Ya know, the new normal.  But that's all my mom would want.  

And what will my own kids do for me?

Every year I have the same request: just clean the house.  That's all I want.  Before I can expound, they will cut me off -- "We KNOW!  De-clutter."

I clarify, "De-clutter does NOT mean piling all this stuff in your room. It means putting your clothes in drawers and please throw some stuff out.  Marty, choose at least 25 of your 80 volleyball T-shirts than can be donated, and Rosemary, look for matches to your 37 pairs of cozy socks."

As a write, I am watching them fold, vacuum, dust, and yes, scrub toilets.  Absolute bliss.  

I measure my success as a mother with varied criteria, and their ability to properly clean a house and cook their own food is among them.  But my kids are the most loving, funny, compassionate, hard-working, kind kids I could ask for.  That in itself is the best gift.

This Mother's Day is also different, perhaps ironic, because I have been watching Hulu's Mrs. America during the quarantine. It has ignited a renewed interest in the women's lib movement.  I have been fact-checking, reading bios, and trying to see both sides of the issue.  Bill and I watched a few episodes last night and it can be downright maddening; Bill will hit pause to call something out that was said, and as usual enlighten me by making connections to the Civil Rights Movement or something James Baldwin once said.  The anti-ERA had some good points, and I remember talking to one of my aunt's friends about this when I was in college.  "If women are to be expected to be good at both being a mom and working outside the home, they're going to feel like they're not doing one good enough."  That's a trap I have always tried to avoid, but I remember when I was younger I would constantly read the research being done about the effect of "working" moms on children.  The research concluded that there is nothing to report.  There was no evidence that showed that children raised by "working" moms were loved any less or suffered compared to their stay-at-home counterparts.  

Another fallacy in the anti-ERA-ers was that feminists didn't believe in marriage or having children, quoting Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique in which she described marriage and motherhood as a comfortable concentration camp.   Eek.  The power of words and language, as usual, can make one bristle.  But I always saw the ERA movement as ensuring basic rights for women, like equal pay.  There are more opportunities for women, and whether one decides to marry and raise a family or pursue a career or do both wasn't the point.  It's a layered issue that invites great debate and conversation, a lost art these days.  

My mom was home for part of my childhood before she went to work.  I could attribute many of my qualities to my mom, i.e., bird legs, but I also attribute my strength to her. 

What trait from your mom are you most grateful for?  Let's celebrate our moms by recognizing their presence within us, even if you have lost your mom or can't be with her.  

But you can also pick up some flowers.